Dear Boudoir Diary, I’m in a complicated shit show of a relationshit. I have been falling more and more out of love with this man for months. He is a beautiful black man, single dad, very active in his daughter life, but he is a liar and I’m so tired of forgiving him for the lies and I’m so tired of his games. We got together a few months ago in September. I asked him about his last relationship (he was married to the mother of his child and then they separated when she decided to leave him after about 2 years of marriage.) When we began the relationship they were still waiting for the divorce to finalize which just happened a few weeks ago in January. I asked him was there any chance of them getting back together or still having feelings for each other and he got very angry by the question and said he hated her. Red flag.
I didn’t like the way he responded but whatever. He wouldn’t let me meet her or anything but had me meet his daughter. I felt uncomfortable with this but he just kept pushing it off. Then he started to tell me that his ex didn’t want to meet me because she hated me because one night a tweet of mine revealed that i was at his home when he lied to her and told her I wasn’t (his daughter was there). One night I went through his phone and found out that he has been trying to fix the relationship with her since August Lol…. we broke up for 2 days in December and the two of them discussed seeking counseling to get the relationship repaired and when she asked him if he still had a girlfriend he said I and she said “don’t lie but is there any chance she’ll come back” he said “no”. And the very next day he asked me to be with him again. I did. Then one day she comes by to talk and sees me there and (her first time ever meeting me) doesn’t speak to me and is taken aback and upset. And…… i just don’t understand why he dragged me into this shit?? I told him in the beginning I wanted to wait until January of this year for the official finalization of the divorce but I gave in after constant attempts from him. This is by far the worst relationship I have ever had. It’s an absolute nightmare. I don’t date people with kids for the specific reason of me not trusting nor understanding the dynamics of baby mom/baby dad relationships. I wish I stuck to my word because I have grown to hate this beautiful man. Then don’t get me started on my relationship with his child. She has no manners and is not friendly at all. She is not disciplined by him at all and just does what she wants. He loves her and it’s beautiful to see a black man be such a great man for his little black girl but that is the only thing I admire about him. He has destroyed the foundation of our relationship with his lies and anger issues. He doesn’t even have time for me. He has his daughter literally everyday. Monday night, Tuesday morning, Tuesday night, Wednesday morning, Thursday night, Friday morning, Saturday night, Sunday morning until 4. And he works M,T,Thurs,F, Sat so that leaves time for me and him alone on Wednesday nights and Friday nights and Sunday nights. All nights that he has to call early nights because he has work the next day. He never gets a break and our relationshit suffers due to this. I hate it here. I stopped coming over when his daughter was over ever since I realized how he was only capable of treating her nicely when she’s around and then turning around and treating me like crap (being short with me being impatient). And when I see it’s clear he doesn’t want me and leave he makes me feel guilty and tries to get me back and I go back like an idiot. I logged into his Instagram and realized that he cheats on me to an extent, he flirts very awkwardly and embarrassingly with other women on Instagram. I am nothing but loyal to him. I don’t know what advice I’m looking for but I just had to vent and read you ladies comments. I don’t want to be in his life anymore and I don’t wanna be a step mom now that the foundation we all could have had was built the way it was. When I tell him about what he did wrong he simply says he can’t go back and change but if he could he would. Now I am uncomfortable and uncertain with everything and I don’t even feel comfortable with him having a friendship with the mother of his child because I don’t trust him anymore. When I finally met her officially, on my own terms and she told me that she was requesting to meet me but he told her it was no point because I wasn’t around their child (I absolutely was daily) and it wasn’t serious. She said she was upset when she saw me there that night she came by because he was trying to repair the relationship and then never spoke on it and then much to her surprise I’m back at his house no heads up from him no conversation, nothing. He doesn’t understand how that fucking hurts me. He got me pregnant once and I got an abortion and I don’t regret it. I think I’m pregnant again and this time I will once again have an abortion but I will not continue to allow my body to be the tool of him. He is no good for me but it just hurts and is a hard pill to swallow. As a black woman I am tired of being there for a man and always getting dragged through hell before they treat me like the heaven that I know I am. I am a great woman I don’t lie I don’t cheat I’m natural I know myself and I’m happy. I don’t look to others or drugs for happiness. I read. I research. I’m not superficial. But this man will destroy me. And I hate him. I hate being hurt by you black men. Any guy can hurt me. I don’t want that. I want something different. I have been through it all, rape, molestation as a child, you name it I’ve experienced it or witnessed it. I’m exhausted. But I won’t break y’all I promise you that. -Queen Readjusting the crown